I am probably the least exciting person in this band. The other guys in the band like to draw attention to my excitement-challenged existence through amusing stories about my love of eating cereal–Special K in particular–and buying practical gifts for my wife on special occasions. The fact is that while I do love me some breakfast cereal, Special K is not my favorite; I’m pretty sure I like Crispix and Weetabix better. They’ve got that whole “x” thing going which is pretty wild. Also, I did buy my wife a snowshovel for Christmas one year. That was, of course, among many other nice, fancy gifts. The snowshovel was pretty snazzy, actually; it was red and had a telescoping handle.
So I guess I’m pretty boring. Or practical. I tend to read a lot. I subscribe to National Geographic, Philadelphia and Bass Player magazines. They all arrive around the same time and they’re all read cover-to-cover about a week later. The rest of the time I read novels. Literature-type stuff: Hemingway, Faulkner, Joyce…that sort of thing. I have a penny collection. Enough said. I have some houseplants and they are cactuses. Enough said. I practice bass nearly every day, though it’s usually in preparation for teaching my students. I practice for the band when it’s necessary (like when we’re learning something new or if I’m not playing a part particularly well) and I practice for my own enjoyment when I have time (which is almost never).
If you haven’t fallen asleep yet, I’ll continue. Yes, it actually gets better. Or worse depending on your point of view. I am in charge of the finances for the band. I was elected to this job because I’m pretty responsible in terms of money; my own credit score is somewhere north of 800. I’m also in grad school and have a 4.0 GPA. I am a connoisseur of root beer. I clip coupons. I like bread. I watch The History Channel. My car is a sandy color, inside and out, and my house is in that same shading, also inside and out. I’m actually laughing right now because all of this is unbelievably, frighteningly, amusingly true. I could go on but I think the picture has been painted painfully clear. If I had to put an exclamation point on this whole thing (and who’d want that kind of excitement?), my favorite band is known, by their own admission, as the most uncool band in the world.
More excitingly boring details await at my personal webpage. Just click here…